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I think the best film - the one that most reflects at least my story - is Owning Mahowny. If you want to understand gambling disorders, look at the DSM 5 criteria and watch that film. Watch the main character, played by Philip Seymour Hoffman, go through every single one of those criteria. Reddit is one of the few still-used modern day message boards. There’s a subreddit for everything—if you haven’t found what you’re looking for, you probably aren’t looking hard enough. All that said, the best online casinos for US players set Casino Stories Reddit their membership age minimums to just Casino Stories Reddit 18+. However, it is advised that if you live in a state with gambling age laws on Casino Stories Reddit the books, you abide by these. Twins, What's Your Best 'Wrong Twin' Story? (Reddit Stories r/AskReddit) - Duration: 15:04. Reddit On Tap 233,162 views. What's The Scariest Thing That's Happened To You While You Were Home. Many gambling addiction stories start out innocently enough—a trip to the casino here or there, a few good wins, then a loss or two. Then something happens. The same chemicals in the brain that cause a person to become addicted to alcohol or drugs soon start to react to the act of gambling in a similar way.
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Check out our collection of funny gambling jokes. We are sure they will make you laugh. If you have any gambling jokes as good, upload them at the bottom of this page.
1) I just bet £100 at the bookies that they would find Maddie, at 1000-1 odds. That way, if they ever do find her, I’ll be able to afford a fucking good lawyer.
Check out Really Funny Lawyer Jokes
2) Chuck-E-Cheese, because it’s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling.
3) My wife has left me because I am a compulsive gambler. I’d do anything to win her back.
4) Poker is like sex – everyone thinks they’re the best, but most people don’t have a clue what they’re doing. Dutch Boyd
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5) What’s the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino? In a casino, you really mean it.
6) A blond girl playing freeroll was taking her time and playing very slow. The timer was started and she still could not take a decision how to play the hand. Her friend asked her with surprise, “What is going on? Why aren’t you playing?” The blond girl replied, “I am playing! I am just slow-playing aces!”
Check out some of the funniest Dumb Blonde Jokes ever
7) Why didn’t the elephant like to play cards in the jungle? Because there were too many cheetahs.
8) They say one in every seven friends have a gambling addiction. My money’s on Dave.
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9) What did the giraffe say to the tiger at the poker table? I thought you were a cheetah.
10) What’s the difference between a poker player and a dog? In about ten years, the dog quits whining.
Check out Really Funny Animal Jokes
11) Whats the difference between online poker and live poker? You can cry after a bad beat online and no one will laugh at you.
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12) Sign you might have a poker addiction: your kids are named check and raise.
13) I put a thousand pounds on a horse. The fucking thing collapsed.
Check out some of the best Horse Jokes ever published
14) Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards.
15) “I am looking for the book named ‘How to win easily and fast with poker.'” “Please check at the fantastic literature counter.”
16. Husband Comes Home After Gambling
I came home from the pub four hours late last night.
“Where the fuck have you been?” screamed my wife.
I said, “I’ve been playing poker with some blokes.”
“Playing poker with some blokes?” she repeated. “Well, you can pack your bags and go!”
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“So can you,” I said. “This isn’t our house anymore.”
17. Professional Gambler Screws Everyone In The Bar
During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, “Bartender, I’d like to buy the house a round of drinks.”
The bartender said, “That’s fine, but we’re in the middle of the Depression, so I’ll need to see some money first.”
The guy pulled out a huge wad of notes and set them on the bar. The bartender can’t believe what he’s seeing. “Where did you get all that money?” asked the bartender.
“I’m a professional gambler,” replied the man.
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The bartender said, “There’s no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?”
“Well, I only bet on sure things,” said the guy.
“Like what?” asked the bartender.
“Well, for example, I’ll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye,” he said.
The bartender thought about it. “Okay,” he said.
So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. “Aw, you screwed me,” said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.
“I’ll give you another chance. I’ll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye,” said the stranger.
The bartender thought again and said, “Well, I know you’re not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I’ll take that bet.” So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.
“Aw, you screwed me again!” protested the bartender.
“That’s how I win so much money, bartender. I’ll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars,” said the man.
With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, “Bartender, I’ll give you one last chance. I’ll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whisky bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop.”
The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn’t even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. “Okay, you’re on,” he said.
The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whisky bottle.
The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, “Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!”
The guy climbed down off the bar and said, “That’s okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!”
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Pete, 29, from Birmingham is a compulsive gambler. What started as an occasional flutter soon progressed to a full-blown gambling addiction that threatened to tear his young family apart.
We are proud to be able to report a number of Port of Call recovery stories and wish to assure anyone reading that there is always help at hand.
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In a series of gambling addict stories, the following Port of Call blog tells Pete’s journey from active addiction to recovery.
Pete’s gambling story
I have a gambling addiction. It took me a long while, and a lot of money and stress, before I realised it. But that’s the truth of the matter. I can look you in the eye today and tell you that I’m a compulsive gambler.
My addiction started in my early twenties. Me and my mates liked a flutter at the bookies, every now and then, to liven up a Saturday night out. Usually we’d put on an accumulator and watch the results come in at the pub. It was fun, a buzz, especially on the rare occasion that one of us would score.
By my mid-twenties, most of my mates were settling down and having kids. They didn’t have as much time to go down the pub, or the bookies for that matter, but I wasn’t interested in slowing down. My weekend gambling was what got me through the week. It was all I could think of to get me through the boredom of work and everyday life.
But it wasn’t enough. As well as being a regular at the local betting shop, I’d joined a nearby casino. I began playing the Black Jack tables and roulette on Saturday nights. Often to try and win back my losses from the football, horses, dogs – whatever I’d bet on earlier that day.
Soon enough though, I’d be visiting the casino three, four, five nights a week at the height of my gambling problem. When the bookies or the casino were shut, I was gambling online. I did it all; online poker, in-game betting, sports betting. I got such a buzz from the wins, no matter how big or small. When I was up, I’d never walk away with my winnings. They’d go straight back on another bet, in search of a bigger rush.
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My long-term girlfriend Sarah and I would get into blazing rows about how our money was just running through our fingers. I wasn’t just squandering my own wages but I was dipping into our joint account too. We were barely able to pay for food, let alone the bills and rent. The trouble is, the worse things got the more I turned to gambling to escape reality. I’d carry on regardless, gambling bigger stakes each time to try and dig us out of a hole and feel good about myself again. Neither of which ever happened.
The tipping point was when Sarah told me that we were expecting our first child. When Jasmine was born, I got a real wake up call. I knew full well that, without help, I would gamble away our money. Money that we needed.
So I called Port of Call. They arranged for me to go into rehab. I’d have regular therapy sessions to help me to change how I was behaving and manage my impulses to gamble. It was tough. Not the sessions so much, but stopping. Occupying myself in other ways.
It was a long slog, but I stuck with my treatment programme and I’ve managed to stay off gambling completely. My life and my family are too important to me to ever change back to my old ways. If I could offer advice to anyone, it would be to get help now. It is the only way and you won’t regret it.
Contact Port of Call on 08000029010 to find out more about treatment for gambling addiction, including gambling rehab. We offer 24/7 free advice and support to help people overcome addiction.
Disclaimer: Names and certain details have been changed to protect the identity of case study participants.
Compulsive gamblers can always find a way of betting. If the bookies are closed, online gambling is all too easy to access. In many ways, it’s an issue that can link really well to becoming addicted to your smartphone.
Gambling and casino addiction are very real issues that, if allowed to spiral out of control, have the ability to tear families apart. Luckily, Pete took it upon himself to get in touch with Port of Call and is now looking forward to a future with his young family.
If you feel you can relate to our gambling addiction stories and are concerned by your habit, please do get in touch with us. We work with a network of trusted addiction rehab centres throughout the UK, find your nearest clinic here.
Make us your Port of Call and begin looking towards a future free from gambling and casino addiction.
About the author: Martin Preston
Martin is our Founder and Chief Executive. Martin is himself in long term recovery and started Port of Call to help families navigate treatment options. In 2020 Martin will open Delamere Health Ltd, the UK’s first purpose built addiction treatment clinic.